Spotting the Confederate

CHAPTER 11

...at the end of another virtually indiscernible path I found Peggy pulling in her fishing nets. We hadn't seen each other since the revolution. She'd carved out a little home in the cliff. We went inside and Peggy put the kettle on the hot plate. She was a pirate now and looked like stone. She had no decorations or furniture in her home except a wooden chair with a ream of wire on it. All was silent except the buzz of the generator; hard to believe we were still in the city.

I used her restroom and noticed the medicine cabinet was wide open and empty. The back of its door had a message scrawled on it in marker. Someone had used white paint to conceal the majority of the words so at the top I could only read the name "MARGARET" and at the bottom it said "THE KEY TO THE OPEN SEA" then a little more white paint, then the signature, "- THE DUCK" ....it looked like a love note or a dear john letter or a love poem where all the love had been removed. The whole thing was in upper case letters.

I told Peggy where I'd been but intentionally left out having seen the minister's children. There was something troubling about her now. She listened to me but hardly said a word; smoking and sorting out her nets, never looking at me. She said she needed to leave but invited me to stay as long as I wished. We shook hands and I was left alone, sipping tea on the back porch, looking out at the ocean, wondering about the duck. I overheard the minister's children again just a little ways above me, then I saw a man trying to walk across the precarious incline at the edge of the island without rolling into the sea. He was wearing a confederate uniform. The minister's kids saw him struggling and went over to help him.

I realized Peggy's house was actually a houseboat; not part of Manhattan. She had a dinghy tied to the back and I borrowed it...

The story of Manny and the blind man

Ever since he told it to me I've tried to write it. Manny's story about helping the blind man when nobody else would. He told it to me at work, during a slow day. He was mopping the floor and I leaned against the reception desk, completely captivated. Unfortunately every time I try to write the story it comes up short.

One time I was exiting the 50th St. Station on the 1 train and I passed the Dunkin' Donuts built into the station. I think that's the 1 train? Anyway, it was the station I went to with Maida one time and she got a small coffee:

There were two Indian guys closing down the gates on the shop. I think they were Indian. One of them was in uniform while the other was wearing a formal suit. As I passed them the sharp dressed guy asked the uniformed guy, "So, how was last night?" then there was a short silence in which they both grinned. The uniformed guy shook his head, laughed, and replied, "I had a lot of fun." And then they both laughed.

I wondered about the look exchanged between the question and the answer. Sometimes I try to fill that look with something and I can't do it. I'd like to fill that look with Manny's story about the time he helped the blind man get on the correct bus.

Antihumilitarianist Movement approves!

It is with TREMENDOUS pride that ILOANBooks accepts an endorsement from the Antihumilitarianist Movement.

To learn more about the movement and the liberation of your own body please click the link above. Our new book, Yesterscopes, is referenced on their website alongside other books that capture the antihumilitarian message, (including Oscar Wilde's 'Dorian Gray' and Henry Fielding's 'Tom Jones')!

Antihumilitarianists believe in representing oneself in the most positive and pleasing way possible. They believe that freedom of the flesh leads to freedom of the soul. In the names of both Honesty and Clarity: ILOANBooks aspires for literary nudity and blushes at the recognition.

The Sister Act franchise

Sister Act
Sister Act 2: “Back in the Habit”
Sister Act 3: Devil Music "It's Pray Back Time"
Sister Act 4: European Nunsense "Lord Have Merci!"
Sister Act 5: The Missionary Imposition "It's a Third World Road Trip and Jesus is Driving."
Sister Act 6: Sister 'Hood "Mean Streets Will Test the Blessed"
Sister Act 7: Utah Nights "The Mormon, The Merrier"

Yesterscopes are here!


We made a book like we're prone to do
and with an author who's brand new
so buy the budget brand of soaps
and afford yourself some yesterscopes

We will tell your fortune true
or bloom some room for a mystic clue
a gorgeous cast of fears and hopes
ride the train in yesterscopes

Composed of a tasteful economy of words
the content divides itself in thirds
a title, a fortune, and a misanthrope
are all you need for a yesterscope

There are parts where you might have a laugh
at the expense of the telegraph
and one more thing, (yes i thank you for your time)
only one yesterscope is written in rhyme

For more info / to order Click Here

Take a knee for Jackie B

Hey Folks,

It's your old pal Jack Burton here. Now listen, there's a topic that's really been grindin' my gaskets lately and I'm just gonna have to rap about it for a moment so take a knee, will ya? I promise this won't take long, and you'll be back to your regularly scheduled program.

The topic for today is Halloween Safety. Now, unless you're some invalid living under a barn in Pooskatuska, you know Halloween is a kick ass time for babes to show off the goods, the perfect opportunity for a wimp to indulge fantasies of being a ninja or a truck driver, and it's the ultimate day for children to rot their chicken chompers with all the variety of sugary what-have-you's under the lord's butterscotch sunball in the sky. 'Nuff said, right?

Wrong!

Now kickin' back and having a blast is why The Man Upstairs put us here, but you always gotta keep a keen mind and an eye out for dirt bags who want to serve up an extra large family style portion of trouble, free delivery. Think I sound over-precautious? Let me tell you about 'ol Jack Burton's 10-thirty one...

I dressed up as myself 'cause when you wake up every morning and look at Jack Burton in the mirror, you eventually lay off the employees in the fantasy department of the old noggin' if you know what I'm saying.

So there I was, finally cruisin' the sidewalk without getting the Santa Monica rubber neck from each and every nose picker's nanny and nephew on the gosh forsaken street. I was enjoying the anonymity so much that I didn't realize I was throwing back the pint glasses like the ocean throws back seashells! In fact, last thing I remember is walking around some church yard seriously contemplating climbing a tree.

Long story short, I don't even remember meeting up with Wang Chi. Hell, I don't remember anything at all. My pals tell me I brandished my conversation-stopper at a taxi cab, fell over a parked bicycle, was extremely affectionate, and spoke like a damn Mexican. Harmless enough, right? Sure... until I woke up the next morning and discovered some scum sucker had cut a huge hole in my pants pocket in an attempt to lift Jack Burton's wallet!

That's no joke, folks. Jack Burton is all for a good time but when we get careless we make ourselves targets. I'm just lucky my skin tight pants refused to drop the wallet, which was glued to my gluteus like a starfish in love. Bottom line is this: the city is a hotbed for goons, spookers, and crud weasels -- and Halloween is precisely the time when they are most at liberty to inflict their sin spectacle upon unsuspecting revelers. It takes crackerjack concentration to spot low lifes when they're dressed up like a giant hot dog or a fire fighter. Once you've had a coupla Four Lokos and a dozen other indulgences, you ain't gonna know Bethlehem from Bedlam.

So don't be a dumb ass, everybody. Next Halloween remember what ol' Jack Burton always says, "When the full moon is shining like a brand new silver dollar, and the girls are all doing their best Pam Anderson, when the fish are all swimmin' sideways in the middle of a bottomless amber ocean..." you know what Jack Burton says, don't 'cha? Yea, he says, "Enjoy that ice cream, folks! Just see to it that it don't melt all over your pants. Oh, and brush your teeth before that final curtain call!"

this is an editorial by Jack Burton from Big Trouble In Little China and may not reflect the views of ILOANBooks

May Day at Ding Dong

An uptown zine and small press fair—May Day at the Ding Dong—will be held on May 1, 2010, from 1 to 7pm at Ding Dong Lounge, 929 Columbus Avenue (between 105th and 106th). It's being organized by a loose coalition of zinesters, small press folk, musicians, artists, and oral history enthusiasts, and will most benefit from the participation of YOU.

More info: maydaydingdong.blogspot.com

Vendor tables are $15. Check our website to pay by PayPal, or email dingdongtables@gmail.com for alternate payment options.

====

o p e n m i c !
p l u s s c h e d u l e d p e r f o r m a n c e s b y :

--
R E A D I N G S

Buzz Poole (fiction reading) (madonnaofthetoast.blogspot.com)

Fiction Circus (w/ laser harp) (fictioncircus.com)

Sam Cohen (poetry reading) (arcticthirdworld.blogspot.com)

Samantha Chanse (an anecdote) (samanthachanse.com)

Sarah Dziedzic (on Grant's Tomb) (oralhistoryliterature.blogspot.com)

Steve Hann (poetry reading)

--
B O O K M A K I N G

Esther K Smith (purgatorypiepress.com)

--
F I L M P O E T R Y / P R O J E C T I O N S

Dimmer (film poetry) (kaboompress.com/frontfrontPage.html)

--
M U S I C

C-Town (finally!) (myspace.com/wearectown)

Ed Askew (a cappella) (myspace.com/ecaskew)

Jeffrey Lewis (thejeffreylewissite.com)

The March Fourth! (surreal pop) (myspace.com/themarchfourth)

Oh be joyful (http://www.myspace.com/nothingseparate)

Phil and the Osophers (tropical punk) (philandtheosophers.com)

--
P U P P E T S H O W

Cassie J. Sneider (puppet show) (facebook.com/cassiejsneider)



See you on May Day!

Winter Doesn't Care What Your Name Is




Mumble it to strangers at parties, make it your facebook status, tell it to anyone wearing a name tag. Winter doesn't care what your name is. Yea, you want to steal that line don't you? Go ahead. Merry Christmas. There are perfect lines to spare in Kevin Estrada's new poetry collection of said title.

And this is winter. What timing! The snow has returned. If winter doesn't care what your name is it especially doesn't care in New York City. The city in which these poems occupy chilly bedrooms and dog boarding facilities. Kevin's New York is one of mid-town cup shakers and love starved strap-hangers window shopping for the human touch. They honor the indifferent season, paying quiet tribute to it through the tense shoulders and knitted caps of a solitary walk against the wind.

Kevin hadn't shown us much since 2007's Cocktail Salute and some of us began to assume he had sort of given up the ghost. In a way this was true. He seems to have retired an old voice, turned the page on himself. He has retired the 'little boy lost, he takes himself so seriously' persona (thanks Dylan) that once trademarked his work and has replaced it with something sturdier; a voice less threatened, less certain of it's own demise. In as great an affirmation of the beating heart as you're likely to find, Kevin challenges, "anyone who says we are already dead, or dying, / i dare them to stand atop a grave / at night / alone"

What else is there to say? I was less than half way through this manuscript before I realized it was the greatest thing my buddy Kevin had ever compiled... and that's saying something, cuz the bulk of my favorite poems are in the second half.

Buy it. Now.
T. Rodriguez