Anthem (Getting Back From the Bottom of the Issue)

we have a tendency to submit
re-enactments of unpleasant interactions
for the jurisdiction of the people
who love us
want to see us happy

( segments where we exercised
an honorable temperament
level headed and articulate

while the other person
, god help them ,
was some sort of mentally
handicapped bigot
rattling off non-sequitors
humming the condescending drawl
of a universally perverted
power plant , (
complete
with the yelping metallic
broken hearts
of sweat shop saints)
blurry in the toxic flames
of our antithesis ventriloquy )

when I was a kid I listened
to these captivating diatribes
on good versus evil

I reviewed the circumstances
as they were presented

and always proclaimed
with righteous zest
that my friend had been
empirically victimized
by our mutual nightmare:
some living antagonist

I’d slam my fist
against the kitchen table
like a man who’d gotten
every job he ever applied for
scorning thoughtfully
the evil that blackens
the sidewalks of society

my friend would then grab my wrist
weak with some internal struggle
“ sooooo… ” desperate faced
“ tell me. honestly… am I
wrong
here? ”

and I’d roar back
like denzel washington:

“NO! you did absolutely nothing wrong!”



meaning it

there was a time in my life
where I thought it possible
to concisely speak the truth

it was tricky to discover
things weren’t happening
the way they were told to me

for a while I took this to mean
that I needed to make new friends
it never occurred to me
that I was lying along with them

but we are all liars
the bodies themselves are lies
the births and the deaths are lies
language is forever making liars
of us all



I feel better these days

but still sometimes i wonder
how many times
and in how many kitchens
my name has been passed around
like a bottle of barbeque sauce
by people who can’t get
the taste of my existence
out of their mouths

in this country
when we aren’t quoting
our favorite movies
we are quoting the fiction
of our own experiences

doing unfair imitations
of the voices
that haunt the ideas
we cannot hash out entirely
yet allow to represent us
unconditionally

gallery opening

last week we had the opening at papa b studios and it was a smashing success. thanks to everyone who made it out. also, thanks to the folks at papa b for the opportunity to show off our stuff to a remarkably attractive audience.

most of the artwork will remain up until nov. 20th so if you missed the opening you can still head over and check out the work of kenny kudulis, david sloan, and liana dardashti.

Cavalcadia!

Next week, (November 7th to be precise) Papa B Studios joins forces with ILOANBooks to bring you a kaleidoscopic artistic experience. Friday marks the opening or a 2 week exhibit featuring diverse and talented local artists, (and one San Franciscan). Opening night however, will also feature live performances by Buffie Gilbert and Phil and the Osophers and feature a rare in-store sale of various ILOANBooks.

There will be free wine and the event will be followed by a late night Emotional Dance Challenge. In other words, you need to be there!

Here is a brief break down of the artists:

David Sloan - Brooklyn based enthusiast of cats and other magical animals.
Kenneth Kudulis - Hails from Alabama an' he likes paintin'!
Liana Dardashti - 40% fictional character, species inventor, gypsy nurturer.
Vanessa Maida - Collage troubadita, stealing midknights with rooks.
Moira Egan - Matron of lost shadows, consultant to snow people
Gaylord Rice - Exposer of negatives, wrangler of loose tongues.

And here's the poster:



TELL YOUR FRIENDS!

-T.R.

A message from John McCain (by Will Lasky)

My fellow Americans,

As some of you may or may not know, my father was captain of a sea going vessel, a ship. It was a big ship and it was a mighty ship. He was an Admiral. He wore the whole outfit, and the main thing to consider is that it wasn't a question of color - it was white, but so were all, all the other admiral's outfits. They were all white, don't you see? Because it's an old navy custom to have all white outfits. That's just the tradition, don't you see?

Now, I happen to be a captain. A captain of an airplane. A great flying mechanism. But in a McCain-Palin presidency, I will invoke captain's privilege and trade in my wings for a ship. The name of this ship will be America, and I will keep it strong. When certain people try to get a free ride on my ship, I will put them in a dinghy floating behind the ship. Yes, behind. The correct nautical term is wake. These people will float along in the wake, and it may be a bumpy ride for them. I will put William Ayers there, in wake X-ray, in the dingy, along with his extremist friends. I will give him a hook and a fishing line and he will have to learn how to work for his bread just like so many other hard-working American men and women.

Joe the Plumber will have a place on my ship as will every other American who works for his bread. Joe the Plumber has an important place aboard ship America. I will be standing on the bridge, navigating at the huge wooden steering wheel, my great captain's pipe alight. The correct term for that is briar. And the briar will be lit. And Joe the plumber will be my coxwain. No, that is not innuendo. I believe you don't know the first thing about piloting a ship. As a captain, I have the experience to navigate this ship, this ship America. And Joe the Plumber will be my coxwain, and the ship will be strong and will be made of metal to keep out Russian aggression and Islamic extremism. And the other core conservatives will be there too. Henry Kissinger will be there. He may have his own private cabin, but then again, we may hot bunk. It's a very standard practice, if you are familiar with the practices of our service men and women, which I think that you aren't.

Now, you have a choice November 3rd. You have a choice between a captain, with his own ship, with the experience to navigate the ship, with Joe the Plumber as his coxwain and Henry Kissinger there too, or you can choose a man who is not a captain, whose father wasn't an admiral, and who doesn't know the currents, the way they flow. For you see, a knowledge of the currents is essential and such a knowledge can only be learned through experience. And we need a president with the knowledge, to tame the currents, to understand and to grasp that big wooden steering wheel and hold it tight! It's a big job. I am a captain. I already said - I will invoke captain's privilege, don't you see?! I don't know what kind of dinghy! That's non essential! It's a dinghy! A small craft. A dinghy is a small, inflatable craft.

by Will Lasky

The Zen Pig Farmer

The Zen Pig Farmer went out to slop the hogs one day. He poured the slop into the trough, and the pigs came quickly and started eating. He stood and watched. After a bit, one pig looked up at him. Licking slop from its chin, it said, "You know, every day you come here and bring us our food. All we do is lie around and eat; yet you see to all our needs. Why do you do this?"

The Zen Pig Farmer stroked his beard slowly and said, "They call me The Zen Pig Farmer because of what I do." The pig went back to eating.

A little later the pig looked up again. It said, "Did you ever consider that maybe you are called The Zen Pig Farmer because you are a pig farmer and I am the Zen Pig?"

The farmer said, "Um… no… "

Timothy J. Weber
Tales of the Zen Pig Farmer, 5 June, 1996.

Ice Ages

They use clocks you could never understand
at The Intellectual Millionaire Meeting,
which is held inside your (dream) home…

They sit around a creamy candle in a golden stick,
flame flapping the contemplative breeze:
"Yes, the hard times are ending. No, English
never knew such important tongues before..."

Frank looked in the flames and caught a glimpse
of the Unifying Law of Natural Reality.

George laughed a defiant snort into the flame
(Nobody understood why,
but they admired his vagueness
because at an Intellectual Millionaire Meeting
anyone can say what's funny.)

Jenny made her eyes look brave
in a profound, expressive way.

Two Inch Jesus emerged from the flame and gave
an insightful power point presentation,
he spoke like a helicopter,
( and his computer was built
by perfect angels )

“Salvation isn't cheap! It's stylishly affordable!”
beamed the articulate Jesus.

Overwhelmed: Frank grabbed a Kleenex
to wipe his forehead with.

The Intellectual Millionaires don’t leave your (dream) home anymore, but George understands The Uncertainty Principle and Jenny got a Michael Jordan rookie card off eBay. She has the PayPal and the American Express. Sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night because Frank is teaching himself the clarinet.

Bodega Doldrums Update

Set Flat in the Flour of God's Antique Art Machine

1.

each table has a white porcelain vase with a plastic yellow flower in it. they’ve got water in them so the plastic yellow flowers don’t feel like you’re ostracizing them, ingesting coffee like you do. there are pastries everywhere and a general feeling of sad femininity; that over-grown girlish femininity that somehow never blossomed.

the chairs in there were donated by unfeeling kindergarteners, drunk with manners and obsessed with victorian gates.

we were a unit; this table, this chair, this flower, this vase, this cup of coffee and me; just an unstable chemistry experiment sweating for balance and unremarkably pressing on.

the scene was non-combustible until I arrived and rendered all of us tragically, hopelessly out of place.


I was there because bortnick’s had closed. that was where I would’ve been. with no where else to turn I fell in here. I was trying to finish a rap song I had been working on at the time called “the most handsomest boy in the grocery store.” I had my notepad with me and just as I finished the verse:

pardon me peggy I’d love to grab those
tender with splendor / arousing avocados
no, I’m here by myself / they call me a lonah’
watchin’ yo hips we traverse the chips
lockin’ eyes by the two liter soda
sale on tombstone / heat things up at home
lookin’ fine in aisle nine
winked at cindy / swiped a comb

my wrist knocked the white vase off the table, shattering on the floor like a jar of pasta sauce or a heartbroken girl in a dress with a new driver‘s license.

2.

contorting myself towards the mess, I took the plastic yellow flower from the puddle and the broken pieces. that little plastic flower -- it wasn’t dehydrated, it was embarrassed -- we ignored its precious nudging, we were so worried about ourselves. it was embarrassed because we were right not to worry -- until then I had no idea how humiliating it was to be a flower that never wilts or feels thirsty; I’d simply never been so far out of place to subject myself to that kind of information.

wrapped into this little chair like the answer to a maze, I presented the flower like a captive presents his gun: full of vague regret and publicity. a dozen marble eyes slithered towards me like thin streams of gasoline towards the catastrophe of my plastic flower -- my exposed fraudulent flower, doomed to imitate beauty, not even biodegradable. the onlookers were hoping to find something flammable in the climax of the hunt. absorbing the circumference of my destruction and trying to gauge the natural response.

an elderly woman wearing a t-shirt with a cartoon frog using a pencil on it cleared her throat in such a way as if to scold me vaguely, beyond the terms of grammatical logic. another customer, with a mouth full of cupcake, said “mmhmmm” as if to agree with the woman who cleared her throat.


“I didn’t kill it”

the matron huffed off smiling with all the supernatural condescension of a possessed porcelain doll in an empty basement. her enormous posterior bubbling along like two gossipy girlfriends.

a young mother in khaki ham bottoms peeked out from behind a computer monitor, indifferent, like a native. she smiled at me through those pools in the middle of the egyptian bicycle tracks of her cheeks, “you look wrong boy.” and squirted me in the eyes with aloe vera. everyone applauded.

I wiped my face and met her gaze without betraying the tremors in my chest to rattle the table. her face floated like a mirage in a gelatinous rhythm above the backdrop of doily inspired wallpaper… or the witch’s mirror in snow white… or a plumbing disaster’s paper towel… or the dress that alice wore. kind of swirling above everything else in the manner of oil and vinegar.

and her smile recalled the cheshire cat’s smile… and I was alice! I was enormous alice! causing scenes, stuck in a chair, surrounded by cakes, rattling off apologies in a strange and unforgiving world.

I tried to explain the whole thing about bornick’s and “the most handsomest boy in the grocery store” and my open mic freestyle rap reputation but then the matron returned with a broom and shoo’ed me onto the sidewalk like a pile of peanut shells. “get! get!“ and I took off down the sidewalk with that little flower tucked smartly behind my ear.

the heart of the human problem is the heart of the human

religious pamphlets? love 'em! read all of 'em that i can get my hands on. i have one pamphlet that warns against microchipping your animal, (dogs and cats are often microchipped by a vet so that if they are lost they can be returned to their owners). the pamphlet explains, rather convincingly, that this is the beginning of armageddon and soon we will be getting microchipped ourselves and then some of us will be assigned the microchip number 666 and then... well... let's just hope you believe in god -- i mean God.

there was a dreadlocked hippie on the train today with a folding metal chair and a pair of bongoes. he and his buddy played non-stop between 72nd st and 96th on the 3 train, and not very well mind you, and then started attacking commuters for not smiling at them or thanking them for the music. this was practically rush hour. it wasn't about the money, they kept insisting, we were so pathetic for assuming it had anything to do with money, they were angry...

i'm gonna start a religion of my own and the core belief of my religion is that nobody dies until they've been punched in the jaw. it may take years, even decades... but we all leave this world knowing what it feels like to have the taste knocked out of our mouth.

-Cary

hospitality

fixing a broken vacuum cleaner is easier than you think. simply clean the suck-valve from the bottom up. to do this you'll need to unscrew the base panel, then pull out the magnetically bound rolling wheel, (which should be cleansed of yarn and hair) then you'll see the suck-valve, constipated tight with dust compound. remove the dust, notice how it clumps together like brains, then go to town on toenails and mouse turds you life-saving surgeon.

Oh. The Past. Yes.

A boat from WW2
Has washed up shore
Somewhere

The repressed nightmare
Of some long inactive skull
It’s retro now we like it

Bleached sanitary ancestor
Telling fables about mistakes
How making them
Is secretly what we’re here for

When I go to the grocery
Store tomorrow I shall
Pretend to be a rotten old
Boat from WW2

Full of definition and seaweed
Rusting my hull to the register:

“Shucks ma’am, this don’t look like japan.
Don’t suppose you could point me towards
Japan?”

Shaking her head above newspaper
Headlines that haven’t been written yet
Her eyes row out to me
Like gale storm
Wearing a knitted sweater
In a dinghy filled with roast
Beef sandwiches
And lemon lime sports drinks